Congrats on That Bare Minimum - Sarcastic Hoodie

Oh, look at you! You did exactly what was required, in the exact timeframe specified, without a single ounce of extra initiative. Should we call the mint to start pressing your medal? This PureSarcasm premium hoodie is for the person who sees "going the extra mile" as a logistical error. Crafted from a thick, industrial-strength cotton-fleece blend—built to last much longer than your motivation—this hoodie features a relaxed, "low-effort" fit and a cozy front pocket for hiding your phone while you ignore "above and beyond" requests. Whether you're celebrating a colleague's mediocre contribution or wearing it to your next performance review to set expectations, let the world know: I'm not rewarding your basic functionality. I'm just acknowledging that you technically exist.