Just Here to Fill Quotas - Sarcastic Sweatshirt

I'm not here because I'm a "culture fit," and I'm certainly not here for the "family atmosphere." I am here to satisfy a numerical requirement and maintain the current statistical equilibrium. This PureSarcasm heavyweight sweatshirt is designed for the person who treats their job like a math problem they've already solved. Crafted from a thick, premium cotton-poly fleece—perfect for maintaining a consistent thermal output while you meet your minimum daily requirements—this sweatshirt features a standard, "one-size-fits-the-metric" fit. Whether you're hitting your sales targets with zero joy or attending a "voluntary" fun event to boost engagement scores, wear this to let the world know: I am a data point in a comfy hoodie, and my presence is strictly a matter of documentation.